Do Ʊ call him smart or a good liar?

A married lawyer had sex in his car forgot †ђξ girl's pant in the car.

His wife saw the pant at the back seat tore it apart screaming

'honey, what's this?'

He calmly replied,

"Ʊ just destroyed the evidence of †ђξ rape case worth ten million naira D̶̲̥̅̊åτ̲̅ I'm handling.
She quickly went on her knees apologising.

Do Ʊ call him smart or a good liar?

Go to their Mother!!!

A man & his wife had a quarrel. After the fight, the wife went into the bedroom.

Few minutes later, the husband also trooped into bedroom only to find the wife
busy packing her suitcase! He asked "you're packing! Where are you going to?"

She answered "to my mother" the man paused for a while & also got his big brown pure leather suitcase & started packing his clothes.

The wife got angry at him and asked;
"You are packing! Where re you going to?"

He replied "Oh ya! I'm going to my mother!"

The wife replied, "to your mother!! And what about the 6 children! Who is going to look after them?" The man replied, "you are going to your mother! I' m going to my
mother. The 6 children should go to their mother!!........LOL!!!

PSALM 23 (NPEV) NIGERIA PIDGIN ENGLISH VERSION

1. The Lord na ♍Ɣ shephard, i d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥. kampe..
2. E make M̶̲̅Ƹ sidon ƒø̲̣̣я̅ where betta d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥. flow and come put M̶̲̅Ƹ next †☺ stream make mai bodi thermacool.
3. E panel beat mai soul come spray am
white, come d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥. lead M̶̲̅Ƹ
d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥. go through express road of righteousness sake of Hin name.
4. Walahi! if I waka pass where arm robbers,419 and juju people boku, come even join boko haram, reach valley of the shadow of death sef, mai bodi d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥. inside cloth.
Ɣ☺ΰя rod and staff nko ? Na so dem dey like back bone
dey comfort me.
5. You don prepare ‎​​Ǧ☺☺ϑ food on top †ђε
table make I chop. All mai enemies dey look waa waa. You rub M̶̲̅Ƹ ƒø̲̣̣я̅ head wit vaseline intensive lotion. mai cup na River Niger wey overflow hin bank.
6. True true, betta life and mercy go gum mai back till I quench. And man pikin go tanda ƒø̲̣̣я̅ God house from lai
lai †☺ lai lai. GOD
ALMIGTHY NAYOU BIKO AMEN

2 PILLS ONLY

Woman 2 Doc : "My Husband is not interested in sex".
Doc : Give these pills 2 him every day, put 1 pill in his tea. She did and they had sex which they enjoyed.
Next day she puts 2 pills in his tea & they enjoyed much more.
The 3rd day, she emptied d whole bottle in d tea.
Two days later Doc called to know d progress, son replied " Mom is in coma, Aunty is in hospital, Maid is suing 4 rape, My ass is hurting & Dad is running naked in the garden shouting Bingo! Bingo!! Bingo!!!...

Birth Month

Which is your birth month ??

January =:> bold & Rude
February = :> Lucky & loyal
March =:> Naughty & genuine
April =:> Caring & strong
May =:> Loving & practical
June =:> Romantic & curious
July =:> Adventurous & honest
August =:> Active & hard working
September:>Sensitive & pretty
October =:> Stylish & friendly
November :> Talented & creative
December :> Confident &
freedom loving.

I am ADVENTUROUS and HONEST.

smart sudent

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: A man lost a Thousand Naira note.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

LIKE REALLY? lmfao

I overheard this loud conversation @ a bus-stop.

"Yes my baby, am in Lagos now"...."Yes"

L for elephant,

A for Ego,

G for Jesus,

O for Authority and

S For Ester.

I became utterly confused

Pictures. lmffao

IF ONLY HE KNEW.......LMAO

FOR REAL. I COMMENT MY RESERVE.

Breeze don Blow

A boy caught his dad red handed wit d maid.


The dad told the son ''take dis 500 naira & don't tell ur mum please.


the son answered,but dad dis is unfair.


Mum gave me 1000 naira when I caught her with




the gate-man yesterday

NIGHT OF ESCAPE

Two mentally insane patients plot to run away from a mental facility @ night.




The facility is well guarded and the only way two escape is to beat up the the guards at the gate.




When the night of escape comes, the two patients walk to the gate armed with hockey sticks.




On arriving the gate, they find the gate open but the guards are not around.






They look for the guards in a nearby shed and when the guards where not found.








They postponed the escape.

Lift up our Problems to God

A man came back from church on a Sunday afternoon

and lifted his wife up.

His wife says,

"honey, this is a new one,

you have not done this before, that shows you love me".

The man replied,

"Our pastor said we should lift up our problem to God to solve it"...

Back with a Bang.

hi Friends,
I went off since June.... not really my wish but hmmmmm, it has happened.
I am back now and promise to post something everyday.
Fact is that everyday I get a whole lot of funny jokes and
couldn't think of a better place to keep em as an archive.
My sweet cousin suggested I put em all up on my blog which I see sense in.
so, they are not all my writings but sure gonna make you laugh.

Thanks for commenting after every funny joke you find.
Love You

YOUR AGE BY sex MATH!

Hi Friends,
its been really long I came here.
i just believed how addictive blackberry is.
not been easy joggling bb-ing with my job as an Architect.
but i promise that all that would change now.


I saw this mail of recent and I had this urge to share it with you all.
I know its a kinda Mathematical logic or sum but its so amazing how true it is.
enjoy it with me.


thanks.
Omogekofo




Truly this is awesome!
 
YOUR AGE BY sex MATH!

Don't tell me your age; you'd probably lie anyway! YOUR
AGE BY sex MATH! This is pretty neat. 

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! 

It takes less than a minute . 
Work this out as you read . 
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of
those waste of time things, it's fun. 

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have sex
(more than once but less than 10) 
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold) 
3. Add 5 
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator 
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1761. If you haven't, add
1760. 
6.. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. 
You should have a three digit number. The first digit of this was your original
number (i.e., how many times you want to have sex each week).The next two
numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2011) IT WILL
EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS. 

Sex Calculator.

THIS LIFE!

Until Yesterday, Everything was Perfect.
What actually Happened?
Did She really slip through his Fingers?
Is she really stone dead or is He dreaming?

4weeks ago, just after the Female Ministers
convention at the Redemption Camp,
She woke up one morning and told her Husband
of 12years her dream.
She had seen him in a Ghastly Motor Accident.
Every1 had tried all they could 2 rescue him,
He still gave up d ghost.

Aunty Bisi is known 4 her Prayers n Visions.
She is known 4 her willingness to join people in Prayers.
ȋ̝̊̅ remember an incident, when a young lady was
about 2 marry a so called brother in church,
She told the Lady of her Visions. Stood in the Gap
for the lady n ensured d Lady ended up with someone else.
Months later, it was public knowledge that d former
Brother had a Wife n 4kids at Ondo. He just needed an
"Abuja wife"(Whatever that means).

The whole church was involved in the prayer against
Aunty Bisi's husband Death.
Before that week elapsed, 2 other member in the church
Had a dream that someone had died in a ghastly motor accident,
But they couldn't place the face of the person in their Dreams.

Before long, a message came that Aunty Bisi's husband brother
Had lost his life and waS to be buried ASAP since he was just to be married.
After the revElation? Daddy was going no where. At a time like this, he was not allowed
To travel anywhere.
Aunty Bisi decided to go on his behalf. At least to respect the family.
Everything went on smoothly and Aunty BiSi was soon on her way back home.

Oh! How she missed her kids, her Husband, her home.
Daddy had called her periodically till she got 2 Abaji, here in Abuja.
She had promised 2 call again when she got 2 Lokoja.
Unknowingly to all that it was her last call home.
Somewhere around Kwali, the car was involved in an accident.
No serious injuries, no Damage on the car.
Just Aunty Bisi's corpse. The only causality from the collision of both cars.
Others were fit enough it go home that day but Aunty Bisi was taken 2 d morgue.

Her remains has since been laid 2 rest at a cemetery here in Abuja
As her Parents and Siblings can't imagine her being brought back 2 d village.

MAY HER GENTLE SOUL REST IN PEACE.



P.s
She was tagged friend of the old when she took special care of my mum
At an event they both attended.
She proudly accepted the tag telling my Mum that
"ȋ̝̊̅ want to be old like you someday soon so ȋ̝̊̅ agree, am ur friend"

UnUsUaL ThAnKsGiViNg.

The story of King solomon is one ȋ̝̊̅ had always known growing up
from the Pages of "My Book Of Bible Stories".

King Solomon did something that no man had ever done,
He offered God an Unusual Thanksgiving.
He felt the Urge 2 thank his Maker and gave over a thousand burnt offering
to God Almighty.

King Solomon only wanted 2 thank God, and gave to God from d
Depth of his heart.
The people who watched him from afar thought him Insane,
Stupid and Crazy.
They took the Pains to Count his offering un2 God never understanding
What it was that lead the Man to thank God in a UNUSUAL way.

Solomon got a BLANK CHEQUE from d lord. The LORD God Almighty told
him 2 request anything he wanted in life. Hmmmm.

He asked for Wisdom, Knowledge n Understanding.
He had his subjects in Mind. He wanted d best for them.

God also gave him an OVER EXTRA BLESSING.
He gave him WEALTH in addition 2 his request.

If thanking God in an Unusual way can make King Solomon the Richest king ever.
What are we waiting for? What am ȋ̝̊̅ waiting 4?

Is it the Idea? Or the Lambs 2 slutter? Or Is It Just Me that didn't know this secret all along?

Gatto start From Here...

GOD ȋ̝̊̅ THANK YOU.
ȋ̝̊̅ GIVE YOU ALL THE THANKS.
TTTHHHHHHAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...
Even if ȋ̝̊̅ say everything 3x. My Tongue can't say it all.

THANK YOU DADDY.

Bberry Blogging? its a lie!

Lemme post this n see if its true.
My oh my!
ȋ̝̊̅ pray it works.
So much 2 post. So little time to sit n type.
Awwwww.

*Testing mode*

SLIMMING by Eating FOODS Meant 4 Your BLOOD GROUP.

4 months ago, I saw this friend of mine from way back 24years ago in the market and she was looking 120kg or 264.5pounds as the Americans love to say. i was really surprised cos she is someone who i knew as an average sized person.Although my friend is tall, but that doesn't call for the uncontrolled weight which made her look like she was a giant or something. I remember telling her to do something about it or else...bla bla bla like we hear around.

it was until last week i saw her again and was shell shocked. she looked size 6 to me, she said she weighed 58Kg/127pounds. Wao was all I could mutter.

Guess what her little diet plan which she said was no secret was?

she was "EATING FOODS MEANT FOR HER BLOOD GROUP".

Never have i heard stuff like that before...........I logged on to Google on my mobile right there and then and started blogging everything Blood Group Foods for Sliming et al. 

My Search lead me to Safe Slimming and i learnt a whole lot.

1. Blood group O are protein (JUST MEAT) eaters....meaning, they should have little problem with the problems associated with high protein consumption. hmmm. Restricting consumption of Grains, Breads, Legumes, and Beans is to the Os Favor.

Blood O Type Diet Chart

to be continued....

Watch my lovely Friend Dance.

i really wanna learn this moves but i guess i am too lazy to try them... or maybe i haven't found a patient teacher to teach me.
Someone call Cassy to come school me, i wanna Dance.

MY WISH LIST 2

FOOT WEARS.
i am a lady and as is expected, i should crave for girlie shoes
but i crave more for the shoes made for guys, not necessarily the exact guys own,
but at least the one a lady will wear comfortable.
of late i have been in the market, shopping for shoes i can wear to site and i have had
a bad experience because all i see are meant for the Big Legged Girls.

My shoe craving got me Goggling shoes I can easily wear to site and feel comfortable and sexy in them.
below are my Feb2011 wishlist of Site shoes.
If u like me, send them to me on my forwarding address, and don't forget, I am a size 37 or the american size 6, UK 5. quiet a small leg I agree but Bigger than some I know. lol

atleast, all the unwanted elements wont touch my skin.
i believe I am well protected even if its a shoe made from cloths. lol

i like this mostly because its black and can hide all my imperfections.

I love this to nut even if its white.
i will wear it only when i know i am not going to a dirty site.
if an emergency dirty site comes up during the day, then i will pull off
my lovely shoes and settle for barefoot. lol

let the girl in me so shine...
purple and Lilac are to die for.i most def would walk on rose petals when I have to wear this.

guess, i will just have to wear a blue clothing.
i so so love this.

let the girl in me so shine.

101 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..." 

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. 

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." 

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." 

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. 

21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. 

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." 

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy." 

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control. 

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. 

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 

34. Drum on every available surface. 

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates. 

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. 

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. 

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times. 

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. 

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. 

45. Honk and wave to strangers. 

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange. 

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. 

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. 

49. Wear your pants backwards. 

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" 

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 

53. only type in lowercase. 

54. dont use any punctuation either 

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. 

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. 

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. 

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now." 

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake. 

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." 

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." 

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. 

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 

73. Drive half a block. 

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are. 

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. 

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". 

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet. 

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. 

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 

86. Wear a LOT of cologne. 

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." 

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors. 

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" 

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." 

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something 
about "psychological profiles." 

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." 

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. 

96. Never make eye contact. 

97. Never break eye contact. 

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.